Saturday, 10 July 2010

Full.

To describe how much I'm feeling right now, I would need a dump truck full of made up words. My body - exhausted, limiting, and on the upswing of a brief but violent sick spell, and mind, the same. The biggest part of my life, the thing I spend the most time doing, and the thing that allows me to live comfortably is currently the Last Girl On Earth Tour. Recently while performing in it, it's felt more like watching a movie that I also happen to be involved in, rather than the usual adrenaline-rushing, emotion-swelling, smile-generating activity that my heart beats and my voice lives for. I haven't written on this blog about tour in a while because I felt like I should have only positive things to say...but we're humans, and thats not always how life is, and I think that honesty is best and always more interesting. Besides, denial sucks. I miss my friends and I miss my family and I miss my boyfriend. I miss the awesome work I was getting into while at home, and performing shows with "my" band. So there.
That being said...
Tonight, our first headlining tour show in the US was in Sacramento, California. The arena was large, but shallow in depth, so I could see all the way back to the very back row. It was oddly calming. As I looked out at the arms waving, the faces yelling and cheering, and the moves being "busted," (because honestly, that's exactly what some of them were! ;) it suddenly felt so...real. I was overcome by how much love and joy was in that room. And then I remembered: I love performing because it makes people happy, and feeling that happiness radiating back and forth between the stage and the house is where the adrenaline and the high comes from. I had briefly forgotten and performing the show had been, for a time, a selfish act I was looking to "get something" from. I was frustrated with other things and looking to the stage to heal me, when I should have been looking just a little further.
I am SO grateful to be able to travel around and play some part, no matter the size, in bringing smiles to the faces of so many people. Actually, I'm blown away by it. Watching the audience tonight, I was struck by the span of this woman's reach. There were upwards of 17,000 people there this evening, and that is just ONE city. In just ONE country! This woman whom I have come to know as a spirited, fun-loving, compassionate and pretty normal girl, all things considered, has been able to touch so many lives with her art. Wow. I love that something like that is even possible. To anyone reading this and planning on attending a future date on our tour, keep jumping and waving and smiling, because I can see you.


7 comments:

  1. beautiful words. i saw you guys in London, UK, and it touched me so, so much. [i waved at you, and you waved back btw, which killed me hahaha]
    it must be tough, but youre beautiful, intelligent women, and your talent brings so much happiness to the world.
    x

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  2. That's the definition of happiness, reciprocated. Great blog!!

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  3. Thank you Ash you made me so hapy In Berlin when you smiled at me... The Last Girl on earth Tour would not be that Good Without you The best Background singer of the world!!
    Just Stay the way you are!!
    Thank you for supporting robz so much
    Raphael Klotz
    http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/rafa.fenty.klotz

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  4. Awww, Ashleigh, I just wanna hug you even if it's only a virtual one. ;) Those are such nice words you wrote.

    I promise you, if you guys come back to our Philippines shores, I will be front and center shouting and waving not only at Rihanna but to you as well! :)

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  5. Gooosh, in a way, this touched me so deeply. I already told you, I love the way you write, it has something very realistic. And these are the moments I realize, it's not only Rihanna I am a fan of, but also the people working with her. Just the combination of all of you make all these things happen. Thanks.

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