From the mouths of babes

I am nothing special. And yet, I am. If everyone is different, then we're all the same. What now...?

Babies are incredible, no? Maybe we all think so because we all were one once and no one can remember it...so we study and play with and hold close these tiny us's in hopes of memory jogging by osmosis. Maybe we don't remember because while life was experiencing us and vice versa at that age, there was no pretense. Each party was completely new and foreign to the other, so there was no choice but to experience wholly and openly. A baby has never seen himself so he does not recognize himself or his own kind in you. He doesn't even know that he has a "kind," and so he treats everything with the same care and the same curiosity. It isn't until he begins to have personalized experiences with each element of life/earth/environment, that he begins to "learn;" assign labels, categorize occurrences, etc. Picture a child holding something new. Something she's never seen or felt before. She feels it all the way around, shakes it, tastes it, listens...it's brilliant, and incredible that instinct goes there. The assumptions we form that early on stay with us for the rest of our lives and our the source of our passions, our actions/reactions and myriad issues. And then we grow into big babies. ;)

Tonight I am in my quiet hotel room in Toronto. I just spent a very active few days in New York, one of my favorite cities in the world. I won't wax poetic about it right now, because I've already done that enough about NYC on this blog, and you all know how I feel about the subject. Suffice it to say that yoga was practiced, miles were walked, (and jogged) music was played and heard (and interpreted through awkward dance moves), food was eaten, and life was lived. I just need a bubble bath and a good book now. I'm missing home, but loving mobility. I just wish I could take everyone with me....no no, we musn't be selfish...

Sometimes I feel so torn between the two worlds in which I exist, touring life and my life at home; and then I remember not to categorize it as such. It is all my life, and all is good. This tour is simply another chance for me to learn and observe, to shake and taste, to listen and live as much as possible.

PS: I have been reading a lot of other blogs lately, and one I particularly like is this one. It belongs to the founder and boss man of hitRECord.org, which is many things, but mostly an incredible interactive community of artists and creative people. A place to meet, collaborate, hypothesize, remix, and everything in between. Basically, I just like what they're about. The photo at the top is one I stole from it, because it inspired this entry. And because that is the most adorable picture EVER - can't you almost hear her little giggle? I'm melting. So Joe if you ever become privy to my photo-thieving, I'm sorry, hope you'll forgive me!

Goodnight moon; though I'll miss you, I am excited for the sun to come up tomorrow.

Full.

To describe how much I'm feeling right now, I would need a dump truck full of made up words. My body - exhausted, limiting, and on the upswing of a brief but violent sick spell, and mind, the same. The biggest part of my life, the thing I spend the most time doing, and the thing that allows me to live comfortably is currently the Last Girl On Earth Tour. Recently while performing in it, it's felt more like watching a movie that I also happen to be involved in, rather than the usual adrenaline-rushing, emotion-swelling, smile-generating activity that my heart beats and my voice lives for. I haven't written on this blog about tour in a while because I felt like I should have only positive things to say...but we're humans, and thats not always how life is, and I think that honesty is best and always more interesting. Besides, denial sucks. I miss my friends and I miss my family and I miss my boyfriend. I miss the awesome work I was getting into while at home, and performing shows with "my" band. So there.

That being said...

Tonight, our first headlining tour show in the US was in Sacramento, California. The arena was large, but shallow in depth, so I could see all the way back to the very back row. It was oddly calming. As I looked out at the arms waving, the faces yelling and cheering, and the moves being "busted," (because honestly, that's exactly what some of them were! ;) it suddenly felt so...real. I was overcome by how much love and joy was in that room. And then I remembered: I love performing because it makes people happy, and feeling that happiness radiating back and forth between the stage and the house is where the adrenaline and the high comes from. I had briefly forgotten and performing the show had been, for a time, a selfish act I was looking to "get something" from. I was frustrated with other things and looking to the stage to heal me, when I should have been looking just a little further.

I am SO grateful to be able to travel around and play some part, no matter the size, in bringing smiles to the faces of so many people. Actually, I'm blown away by it. Watching the audience tonight, I was struck by the span of this woman's reach. There were upwards of 17,000 people there this evening, and that is just ONE city. In just ONE country! This woman whom I have come to know as a spirited, fun-loving, compassionate and pretty normal girl, all things considered, has been able to touch so many lives with her art. Wow. I love that something like that is even possible. To anyone reading this and planning on attending a future date on our tour, keep jumping and waving and smiling, because I can see you.

Love

Thoughts on this topic have been running around in my brain recently, and I have been wanting to write this entry for a while. Growing up is a funny/interesting/painful/wonderful inevitability. My favorite part about it is figuring out why I act and react the way I do to certain things, which in turn allows me to more fully understand why others act and react the way they do towards certain things.

The thoughts and knee-jerk reactions I have previously had regarding "Love" have recently been exposed and placed in the center ring for no one else but me, myself, and I to watch passively and note the horrific disfunction.

Mind blowing discovery #1: Love is not something to fear, or to fear the loss of. This seems like common sense, obviously. However, it is human nature to want what we cannot have. To hold onto that which is scarce. Love is not a supply-demand kind of business. Love should be always abundant. Not smothering, but active, aware.

Love is not tumultuous - it is peaceful, and that serenity comes from confidence in oneself and in the relationship. I can't tell you how many times I have made excuses and convinced myself that I was the one who was wrong for feeling upset, disappointed, or left high and dry. Its almost as if people love and thrive off of the drama, the pull and the abuse of a "relationship." At least they have something to vent about to their friends (or on a blog, haha).

Here's a bible verse that you have probably heard read at nearly every wedding you've ever attended; rightfully so, because it rings true, now, for me, more than ever.

"Love is patient, Love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast.

It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,

and endures all things."

Corinthians 13:4-7

Organized Chaos

Does anyone else find it peculiar that we all are assigned a name and a number? Quite a few numbers at that. Starting the second we arrive on this planet, the government catalogues our existence with a number. "United States Citizen Number 795-xxx-xxxx." When taking into account the miracle (or complex scientific coincidence, however you may choose to look at it) that is life, it seems rather neanderthal to attempt to file it as just another occurrence. Then we get a bit older, and we get a drivers license, earn a degree, accumulate medical records, bank statements, credit histories, etc - all of which are carefully documented. So much paperwork is involved in being a functioning human, its exhausting to think about, and makes vagrancy almost sound appealing... And yet, we have all accepted this as "the way things are," because of what? Fear? That people would run wild in the streets if a piece of cardboard with a number on it didn't hold them to a certain standard of conduct? What would happen if people were just people, and not a stack of paperwork, telling them who they were? I think there would be more creativity, for one. Chaos: maybe. Things would certainly be a lot more interesting.

Photography Lesson

Mid-year resolution: To post more frequently. In an effort to jump start this notion, here is a pretty neat thing I have been toying around with recently. I'm sure some of you already knew this on some level (friendster photo-shoots, anyone?), but I didn't, or had forgotten. So here's a reminder, or a lesson in photo editing. You can pretty much take any picture, taken from any camera (I am going to show a few taken with my blackberry), tweak it, using something as common and accessible as iPhoto, and turn it into a masterpiece. (okay, I could be exaggerating slightly, but you get the picture. ha. get it, "the picture..." schwing!)

All I did here was enhance the photo (which you can do automatically in the iphoto edit screen), boost the color using the pre-determined filter provided in iphoto and mess with the black/white balance a little bit, in the "adjust" window. Doing that really brings out the shadows and the detail in the blades of grass. By the way, it helps to make the original as large as possible while editing, which you can do by holding ctrl and alt (option) and clicking "edit using full screen."

Here, I obviously used the "sepia" filter. Then I changed the "adjust" window settings slightly (which I posted below, so take a look!)

Below are a few more examples of what can be done...and also just pretty photos, I think, so I hope you liiiiike. :)

Taken at the artist's entrance at the NRJ awards in Cannes

Taken in the sky over Norway